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Far From Cool

The poem of what I never said...

By Abby RamsayPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Photo by Aslan Brewer (Instagram @aslanthebrewer)

Oh, so now you are cool?

Now you wanna’ talk?

Well, that’s good for you...

Too bad I’d rather fucking not!

I am far from cool,

In fact, I am hot!

I’m sexy, and I know it, and I’m sure as hell gonna’ show it,

and baby I have a lot of time to make up for,

like the time you told me to “please change shirts”, because you didn’t like the way other guys looked at me when I walked down the street,

But in the same breath told me how you liked me sexy for you in the sheets,

Well boy, I know you think otherwise, but I am NOT your property,

Not then, and certainly not now, because now,

I wear whatever the hell I want to, and darling I look good.

Photo by Henry So (Instagram @henryso44)

I am far from cool,

In fact, I am boiling!

I am filled with a rage at the realization of six months of manipulation,

And that’s just when we were dating, because honey, if we are talking figures,

It was more like a year.

From the very first sneer at my first statement of rejection,

to the “nice guys finish last” game you kept playing,

Well darling, if you are a “nice guy” then they deserve to finish last,

Hell, they shouldn’t even be in the race,

Because “nice guys” don't ask for another chance when a girl’s grandma is dying,

Knowing to play on my emotions when I was weakest,

Because “nice guys” don’t use guilt, and sorrow, and pity to get some action,

And then say,

“Oh yeah, so you know all those months of ‘I love you’ and ‘I can’t wait to see you in white someday, let’s just elope’ were only true about half of the time.”

Photo by Janee Green (Instagram: @janeegreenphotography)

I am far from cool,

In fact, I’m exploding!

I wanted to scream every time I heard

“How could you let a nice Christian boy get away?”

If they only knew.

Last time I checked, good christian boys don’t use God as a scapegoat,

Because last time I checked God does not go around saying,

“Hey kid even though you love her she is too much of a temptation for you. Yeah, the girl who literally could not care less about sex? Too sexy for you!”

If they only knew about all your little kinks and what a freak you really are,

How you twisted “I love you” into “Let's try something new, honey don’t be afraid,”

But I still have the human decency to keep that secret for you,

Because while you have no problem screwing with someone’s life,

I refuse to stoop down to your level.

Still I wonder,

what would everyone think of you then?

If they only knew you like I do.

Photo by Bailey Pauze featuring Luke Dimyan (Instagram: @pauphopoe and @luke3dd)

I am far from cool,

In fact, I am raging!

Because even that was not enough for you.

You still “checked in on me” and told me you still loved me,

Even though we could “never work.”

You told me when I had a date set up months later that it was still too soon,

And I canceled because you wanted me to.

Because you played ping pong with my emotions,

Back and forth and back and forth with my life,

Until I LITERALLY began to wither away,

Flesh becoming nothing but skin and bone.

And all the while you were off in college,

Showing your guy friends pictures of me,

Proving that you could do “that well”

Still showing me off like some sort of trophy.

And when I finally cut you off,

When I realized what you really were,

When I stopped defending you, crawling back to you,

When I finally built myself back up again,

When I gained the weight back and the will to live,

When I found myself, and some new, real friends,

You have the audacity to appear out of the blue saying

“I’m cool if you are cool. Can we talk?”

Well, dear,

When it comes to you,

I’m far from cool,

And as for that talk,

I’d rather... fucking...not.

Photo by Jose Hernandez (Instagram @josephlh1976)

heartbreak
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About the Creator

Abby Ramsay

Actress, model, activist, femenist, asexuality and mental illness advocate, and dog mom. Abby grew up in Pennsylvania before moving to LA to get her BFA in acting.

Instagram @abbysworldsastage

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