Fan girl

“Shame on you!”

“Get that picture off your desk!”

“How can you mingle with the fan crowd,

Low-life characters?”

That’s what ‘they’ say —

But it doesn’t matter.

My family didn’t know

There’s another Family,

With the capital F —

Those who remind me who I am.

We’re of the same kind.

Here I will only mention

Some of my favorite singers/musicians,

But there are writers, artists, dancers —

People of talent and courage

Who shared themselves with the world

And enriched my life,

Because they did.

I will always love these folks,

Regardless if we ever meet...

Who is to tell, maybe

I’ll get to know some of you personally,

But either way I think I know

What you struggle with,

The price to pay

For the stage glamor

And record label magic:

Arm-wrestling with time

And mundane things

That make each one of us frail.

But you do what you do

Despite all this.

Fine tunes, elegant looks,

Deep insight into heart of hearts

Take a great deal of strength

To be expressed.

This is the result

Of hard work backstage,

Constant upgrades of things

I have no idea of

To make it happen;

Sacrifices, conflicts, pushing yourself

Beyond possible.

Exposure, envy, slander... name it.

But you’re here for me

And I don’t know what I would do

Without you.

*David Bowie

Thank you for that lighting strike of Love,

That brought me back to life

From catatonic slumber,

For the gift of Sound and Vision,

So I can do my art

As the whole world falls down —

As a result of mentorship of yours.

You Sang me out of prison

Where I could have stayed forever.

Without you, I’d still be a moron,

Living in the shadow of vanity.

*Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails)

Thank you for alchemical marriage

Of edgy and tender,

For connecting me

With my life-long friends

In ways I’ll always remember and smile.

For making Edgar Poe’s love story

Into the motion picture

Where the Fragile and Broken

Are made whole again

Through art — one Perfect Drug that heals.

*Tilo Wolff (Lacrimosa)

Thank you for the grand introduction

To the saturnine music —

Audio cathedrals — home for Proud Hearts,

Protected from Copycats and trolls.

Where the Song of Praise to loneliness

Has softened bitterness of life,

And, coming out the other end

Of that black hole, Mutatio Spiritus,

It tastes as fresh and sweet

As strawberries.

*Lou Reed

Thank you for putting Velvet

Into Underground —

I landed on that cushion,

Tired Venus in Ponderosa firs.

Thank you for showing

A freaked out go-getter

What a Perfect Day is about.

*Alice Cooper

Thank you for enchantment

Of the dark side

Opposed to daytime vulgarity

Of the Brutal Planet;

For the Stolen Prayer brought back

And portrayed by witch advocate

With makeup on his face.

*Marilyn Manson

Thank you for pushing all the limits

That I didn’t know existed,

Being bold beyond reason

As I understand it —

But learning something new

Can exceed the Speed of pain,

Inflicted by Nobodies

Wishing they were Somebodies.

Thank you for the shock-absorbing Tourniquets

For those recovering from Coma

On their Long and hard way from hell.

*Gary Numan

Thank you for Electric boost

For the Jagged, Exiled, and Jaded friends,

Administered through Splinter-sharp,

Iconic-wicked synthesizers.

For putting Seed of Lie

Through Complex sound judgment

Where Absolution meets Desire.

*Ronny Moorings (Clan of Xymox)

Thank you for killing Hypocrites

With blast of true Imagination,

And giving Troubled Souls

Taste of their own medicine.

For being Innocent is so much more

Than just Skindeep.

You Sang my Dad away

To Home sweet home —

A better place,

And comforted the Child in me,

When nights were way too long,

And seemed like There’s no tomorrow.

*Porl King (Rosetta Stone, Miserylab, In Death It Ends)

Thank you for channeling

The Orgone energy

On highest Frequency —

Forever on Adrenaline and never Static,

Expressing love to all Rejected Misfits,

Urging them to Rise

Out of Death that we can cure,

The Sitra Achra.

For dissolving Smoke and mirrors

With Chapter and verse

That come from Heart and soul.

But above all —

Thank you for Singing me back,

To inner shrine I feared and fled,

Rejected, desecrated —

As if it’s Nothing.

So I can Dance for hours...

Restorative Art, at its best.

********^

Each one of you is rare and exceptional

But that excess of passion, drive, determination

Is not a luxury, — it’s needed.

You folks are more than distant stars

Invisible by daylight —

You’re lifeblood of reality,

Its pulse, emotions, living breath.

Through you I had the joy, fulfillment, love

My daily toils could never yield.

And... You figured it, I know.

I wish there could be Someone, just for me,

Like all of you or some of you

But none the less he would be deep

And brave, eccentric, weird —

But ultimately normal,

Capable of loving, caring,

Being goofy as the other side of Goth.

The man for whom my company would be

A dream come true —

My fan as much as I am his.

My mirror, soul twin, my trusted friend,

Devoted partner and insatiable lover.

I’ve said too much...

But is that fact,

Or Inner Critic’s judgement?

Be gone, you coward!

The space you took

Belongs to someone else.

Reality, I double-, triple-,

Quadruple-dare you. 🖤

October 16, 2020. New Moon.

N.B.