Falling again

I’m Falling Again

I’m falling again,
Tumbling leaves around me,
Rushing air from hot to cold.
I’m trembling, sad but delighted,
Elated, at my peak, yet still deflated.

The light around me is fading fast,
Overwhelmed by scents—
Spices and sweets,
Yet, like a cavity,
Something bitter and rotten lies underneath.
Tricks and treats,
A mixed bag of goodies,
Some beautiful, some sweet,
Some hiding dangers beneath.

Sometimes I’m blessed,
But still I’m left alone,
Like a single leaf on a tall October tree,
Refusing to be blown away
On a windy autumn day.

It’s been a curse,
Tears and worse,
Dark days stretching through the holidays.
I never seem to find my retreat,
Or hold on to the love
Once promised to me.

For me, love blooms beneath the summer heat.
That’s when I’m most myself—
Beneath a warm sky,
Awake and alive,
Like a dancer drawing every eye,
Magnetic in the summer heat.

But when the cold arrives,
And I step into October’s chilling air,
My life begins to repeat.

First, I retreat,
A hermit locked inside his keep,
Guarding a winter’s chest of treasures
I struggle to keep,
A blessing and a double-edged blade.
Half-broken dreams,
They won’t let me sleep.
What could haunt me more
Than nightmares?
Perhaps lying awake with the life I’ve made.

The girl I found
On a midnight summer’s playground
Had claimed and staked my heart.
But when October comes around,
One of us turns to ash,
And the other is left in the dark.

Broken shards and nevermores,
October leaves—
My daymares dance with nightmares,
As autumn scatters the world
I’d grown so accustomed to seeing.
Even the air I’d grown accustomed to breathing
Feels unfamiliar now.

It’s so cold
I can barely catch my breath.
My body’s numb, my vision blurred—
Is this the weight of growing old,
Or October’s tricks beginning to unfold?

Yet if I make it through,
And should I wake a day past December,
The world had better beware.
Because if I can face another year,
I can make it anywhere.

When summer’s warmth returns,
I’ll awaken from my winter’s sleep,
And perhaps forget this season—
Until October comes again.

But first, there’s something I must do.
I have to make it through,
Make it through this cold, chilling October Without you.