fall

i did not

fall out of love

with you.

i am crawling

because i need to

find solace

in an empty world.

i sit at night

head between my knees

and inhale your memory

in rings of smoke.

i lie awake

staring at the ceiling

trying not to remember

and trying

not to forget.

i want to move on

but i need you

and your ghost.

you soiled my bedsheets

with your sweat

and they still smell like you

even when i do not know

they do.

you bathed my heart

in your warmth

and now my lips are blue

beneath the fire.

the last time i saw you

i looked away

not because i forgot

but because

i still remember.