everything, all at once

perhaps to be human is to fail

to crack open like an egg, to ruin and foil, to make mistakes

to try and try until your bones ache with it

to run and sprint and scream with the force of your ambition, only to fall face down in the dirt

to disappoint yourself over and over again, until your reflection seems fragmented in the mirror

and you don’t recognize who you see, or who you are, any longer

-

perhaps to be human is to cry

to let the past heave down on your shoulders

to have guilt and regret knaw at your very soul

to be rich in memory and poor in gratitude

to stumble and fall into the same mistakes

to have frustration and resentment eat you alive

to feel small and alone and broken in a world that does not care how many tears you shed

to have no one catch you when you fall, or to push them away when they do

to push away the gift and the curse of the present

-

perhaps to be human is to die

to spend your days however you may until the fatal end, and to not know the half of it until you get there

the sweep of death may be painful and ghastly, or it may be over in an instant

we may die emaciated, afraid, alone, abandoned

or we may die peacefully, elated—free, from all of it

it may come when we think we feel it in the air, expecting and awaiting its pull, or it may strike us out of nowhere

in the dark of night, unexpected and uninvited, changing the course for all those we know, and for all we love

it may be up to you, or to God, or to the universe at large where you end up, if anywhere

you may have been right, or you may have been wrong

you may see everyone again

or you may see no one and nothing

or you may see, and be,

everything,

all at once

—

I don’t love this poem, but I figured I’d try to write a little something in an attempt to feel a bit better than I currently do. It worked, a little bit.

I know it’s a pessimistic poem. It’s not as pessimistic as I feel our lives might truly be, but who’s to say?

Love you guys. ♥️