Everyday begins the same

every day

I try to dream again

(about that

Place)

A crisp salty splash

A warm

Flowing water

Sand creeping up my thighs

You by my side,

Yeah, that’s nice,

That’s real fucking nice.(get closer to me, please, with that brown hair curled by your ears and deep deep deep water blue eyes)

You look good,

And even beautiful

I can’t tell you that,

I’m

Your best friend

And that’s weird.

Every day is the (fucking same!!!!!!).

I wake up,

You are not there.

I remember that nice day at the beach,

Like it was yesterday,

But, well,

It wasn’t.

I’m so fuckin’ depressed

I can’t even dream anymore.

My body aches

My breath is pulsing with warbling

Waves

My piercing fingers hurt

As I learn my body isn’t reacting

Correctly to any sort of chemical bonds

I try to instigate or instill.

I say to the mirror,

“I’m fucking cool, man,” and then

Curse my tears, they are too feminine.

I’m here man, I long to hear from you just once more.

But it’s all the fuckin’ same,

Every second of every minute of every slow Goddamn hour of every shitty, horrible, missed day

I tell myself, be a man,

Be

A

Fucking

Man

And my painful tears push me to sleep,

I’m so damn sorry, I’m

Dying

I am

Not what my father wanted,

No, nor you.