evening moments

an evening moment

that caught me off guard

and also expected

*

an evening moment

expectedly

unexpected

clarity clouded with the opacity of love

a love

not eros

not platonic

not philia

and yet somehow skirting the edges of all three

a love

not even the greeks can define

*

wandering the streets late at night

smoking cigarettes

and trying to shift the memories

of this fucking friendship

the kind I'd hoped for

a version of friendship

a version of me

a version of you

a you that I believed

that I believed you

*

and, of course, they are the wrong streets, these streets

these streets that formed

that shaped

that held

that hold

all the memories that new evening moments cannot erase

cannot replace

*

streets that once cemented

trust

love

care

joy

streets where I learned new ways to love and be loved

now hold grief

loss

betrayal

undefined in a way

and rough

jagged like the asphalt footpath that holds my steps

and hardens underfoot

asphalt - like the un-greeked love -

poured in soft

filling the spaces

vulnerable to cracks

and hard in the in-between

this path that holds my evening steps

and hardens

underfoot

hardens

in heart

hardens

in mind

and carries me home