Enough

A million times,
I wanted to love you.

You weren’t the first,
nor the last.

I wanted to save you.
I needed to be in your life,
to take away your pain
and make you feel whole again.

I did this all at my own expense,
a lesson I’d never learn.

Always yearning
to be there for someone else,
not caring near as much
for myself.

And all you did—
all of them—
was take advantage
of my love and care.

How dare I offer so much
to people who gave little in return?

I can still feel the sting
of the burn
from the way they ALL treated me.

I wish I could see into the future
and know that, for once,
I found the right one
who wouldn’t take me for granted
or use me
and throw me away.

But my Pluto side
makes me want to burn it all down
without making a sound
and end it
before it ends me.

Have I ever really been loved before?

I’ll really never know,
with nothing to compare it to,
this life always leaving me blue.

And now it’s time
to put myself first,
as I finally have a thirst
to create the life I want
without a care
of what others think or feel.

Here’s the deal:

If you want me in your life,
you have to accept me
as I am.

There is nothing else
I can say or do
but to be true to myself

and let you
be you.