Walking down the streets of Stressbourg,
Toward the highway leading right to Gloomville,
Passing by Freiburg and Dogville,
Sighing and reading Melville.
Moby Dick—Donald Duck,
Obsessively longing for a spare buck
Tucked somewhere deep in your pocket.
Wish us the best of luck.
Spitting over their left shoulder,
Like launching a rocket
Into the stratosphere,
Yo, the game is over.
Oi, aim higher.
But duck your head lower.
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Outstanding
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Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Heartfelt and relatable
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On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Timothy
My fingers inch closer to the keyboard, itching to obliterate a day's worth of work. It's some of my best writing I've done to date, but at what cost? The words seem to bleed, dripping onto my desk. For a millisecond, I'm sitting in front of a crime scene, looking at dead, begging eyes. Why? Why me?
By Alexandria Stanwyck4 days ago in Fiction
Comments (7)
This feels like dark Whoville (dark-er?). At the same time, ew to the spitter. Loving your opening lines with the rhymes of the cities and false cities. I feel like this social (economic) commentary reaches even further than your Swiss paradise, haha. "Obsessively longing" indeed. Oh, do I get more if I duck? (If only...)
First I thought you were walking through my neighborhood, but then it turned to nostalgia followed by whimsy & look out! I'm still not sure where we landed but it was fun getting there.
This was brilliance in it's finest form! You never fail to amaze me with your creativity! Excellent work!
So much to like about this - the towns, the rhymes, the rhythm. I loved it.
Great work! Good job!
People who throw loogies in people’s faces need to be shot back with more snot! And then they should settle their differences and become dear friends. Peace out! ☮️ ☺️
Wow, the multilevel puns and different registers of soundplay on that! All your Villes and Burgs are stressing me out. Do you sigh before or after you read Melville? But I don't know whether you're trying to go lower or higher on this. Anyway, brilliant. ;)