Drowning

i look up

to nothing,

but

endless blue

i try to

make it back.

but,

i get pulled

further

and further

down.

i said i tried

to make it back,

i lied.

but,

how am i to try

when i

don't control

the strings?

these invasive

thoughts

of trying,

cloud my mind

as i

continue to

sink.

i guess,

it's less like

a sink,

more like

a forceful pull

but,

i'm not

being pulled up

oh no,

anything but.

down into

the "depths of despair".

i try,

well,

i want to try

but,

trying seems as

useful as

putting a clean

fork in the

dishwasher

and,

trying feels like

walking up

a down

escalator

but,

trying is all i have.

so,

i look

back up

seeing that

blinding blue,

and

i look down

at nothing

but

deathly darkness

but,

i don't

hold the strings

or

run the game.

so,

instead,

I cut the strings

I end the game

and

I lunge myself

up.

I fight

and

I fight.

but,

I struggle

feeling like

a knight

without

armor

or,

a shark

without

teeth.

and then,

after what seems to

be like

years, I breathe.

emerging through

the surface,

I am free.

but,

free doesn't

mean done.

I'm nowhere

near done.

the real battle

has just begun

to stay

afloat

and

to live

is to try.