double negatives; or, collected thoughts on optimism

i'm not not saying

that the acrid stench of photography chemicals transports me back to the last time i wasn't worried about the future

stop bath, fixer

& the photo is set in time

i'm not saying

i don't do tarot readings anymore

those cards flip out

& it's death on his white horse

& it's a tower falling down

& it's ten swords in my back

(i've learned to never underestimate how disappointing people can be)

i'm not saying

hope doesn't have an expiration date

pop off the lid, do a sniff check: sour

i'm also not saying

i'm not one of those anarchic goths who daydreams of cooking vegan family meals for a polyamorous commune of witches, punks, twinks & and enbys that only exist in my head

no.

so, if i had to say it, what i'm saying is—

bees congregate around the lavender bush outside my window

(i'm not saying they don't remind me of hipsters at an early-2010s pop-up cafe)

i crack the window open

"why are you working so hard?" i say

"don't you know you'll be extinct once the global temperature rises a few more degrees?"

they dodn't say anything back

but i think they know

maybe they're just that committed

no, they must have a creed about not not stopping to smell the flowers