Disappear

I try so hard to connect,

to communicate.

Is it all in vain?

The silence echoes around me,

and I feel invisible-

Unimportant.

It doesn’t seem like this Self

is meant to stay.

She hurts so much,

and in the silence

the Voices strike.

She tried being patient,

waiting around for the time

She thought she’d been given.

to no avail.

Dissociation and anxiety,

loneliness and pain,

Voices and distress,

all consume her.

She has Disappeared.

This Self is all that remains,

And I feel hurt by all she went through.

Maybe even resentful towards the world.

I desperately want what She wanted,

but I also feel like hiding from the world

so that no one will hurt this Self.

My door is still open,

But my walls are higher now.

Is it better to be alone,

Or lonely,

cut off from those who said they’d be there?