Depression Is a Friend of Mine

I know it's hard to understand,

But there's something that I must explain:

From the first moment that I first held your hand,

I was overwhelmed with pain.

I'm a mum without a mum,

And in a way I always was,

So meeting you on the outside

Was terrifying.

Your arrival meant her arrival,

Untimely, and unwanted

Just like me.

The loneliness consumed me...

I didn't know how to be.

I was now a mother, determined not to let you down,

Spurred on to be the best I could with no role models around.

Two short weeks and your dad left, too,

Back to work he went.

I guess a part of me always knew

That I wouldn't cope -

Would have no hope -

For anything getting better.

My dark days became darker.

I let you down, and couldn't forgive myself.

I should have fought harder,

But a first-time mum is never believed,

Never listened to,

And never taken seriously.

My downward spiral became far worse,

And I didn't know when it would end.

I felt like I had no-one,

No family. No friends.

And now I'm in that dark place once more,

But I'm trying to make a change.

I want to learn how to be my best

And to feel okay again.

I love you so much, with all my heart,

And I doubt that you'll ever see

Just how important you are in my life,

For, without you, how could I be me?

I've learned to be your mummy

In spite of all the trouble

And I love you and myself now,

In fact, nothing can burst our happy bubble.

I may be facing darkness

But you give me light

And when my hope is flickering

It's you that makes me fight.