Depression

A feeling that crept up on me,

Slowly, but surely.

Why am I being subjected to this?

I don't remember when my 17 years of happiness,

Gave way to 5 years of.....

I'm not sure how to describe it.

Depression?

Crippling anxiety?

A nonexistent existence?

I feel useless.

I am useless.

I always considered myself strong,

But I turned out to be the weakest person I know.

At the age of 22,

My life has barely just begun,

And that thought terrifies me.

I'm better off dead...but dying requires courage as well,

Just like living does.

A heart defect equals not being qualified for the military academy.

A deteriorating wrist equals not taking up art or design.

Over worried parents equals being forced to go to university.

Being forced to go to university equals choosing a major halfheartedly.

When exactly does it all end?

I wish I could go back,

Tell myself to make different choices,

To fight more.

Maybe then I would be worth all the kindness I've been given.

Maybe then,

I'd be worth this life.