Depression

Something Antidepressants Can't Cure

Depression

Depression....

Is an endless battle that's never won. I've heard the only cure is the roughness of a leather couch, unknown voices, scribbling ink, and a bottle of antidepressants.

They claim to know your stories, your fears, and your pain.

Trying to push their pre-rehearsed script into your brain.

Hoping when you leave your not tearing at your veins.

For those who have it; depression... it's like a frenemy. There when your at your happiest once you've found peace within yourself. Then within seconds it turns your happiness into something bitter.

Staring down looking at a full plate unable to eat dinner. Looking across a table at falsely placed smiles if it was up to you would you walk out the door and just run for miles and miles.

But it's not up to you depression doesn't work that way. Once it's there it's there and it forever stays. Waiting to turn your sunshine into a rainy day.

Here you stand looking at yourself in the mirror but the deeper you look the less of you your able to see.

Your vision replaced with blurry figures as you look through blurry eyes. Holding out their hands these figures wear no disguise.

You start to see something battered something bruised. Tears brawled up into toilet paper you previously used. Sitting and staring at yourself just lost and confused.

Pain starts to fill your chest covering your heart. Things you once found peaceful are now just manipulated haunts, but I almost forgot to tell you the best part.

The best part is when that pain in your chest runs towards your mind, because at that point your on limited time.

You see when your heart knows pain you can still try to fight it but when your mind knows pain you can't find ways to not remind it.

Endless pain being reminded over and over.

You end one pile of tears you think your calm and then the motions repeat. You will never win you will only know defeat, because depression never leaves it just takes a minute to sleep.

Minutes, hours, days, even years. Never get too comfortable because once you have it depression is always near. Like collections calling trying to set up a price. But for depression the only thing it wants is your life.

So it starts off slow with just one bad day. Then it digs in deep finding a comfortable place to stay.

At first your angry forever sad and numb. and if your brain feels the same as your heart your life might end with a gun. Or maybe you'll take pills to fall peacefully asleep. Better go to sleep fast cause depression creeps at your feet.

Yanking you from your bed in the midst of the night. Depression versus your soul who will win the fight.

That's when you see yourself staring at a light. Not heavens light not even the light of the sun. It's just a dim shaded light that causes you to go numb. A voice speaks softly though you can't really hear her. Making you repeat things you've seen it's like talking to a mirror.

Scratching down notes as you unknowingly start to speak your mind laying on an odd cushion lost within time.

And lost within time is something you'll always be, because antidepressants don't help and they can't set you free.

Depression

sad poetry
Read next: I Am A Bullet.
Auteanna Baysinger

At a young age I learned how to handle depression and pain. By bleeding what my soul felt through ink letting my words seep through a blank page. Most of my writing is horror or depression based. However I explore other genres as well.

See all posts by Auteanna Baysinger