Departed

When I departed early
Did you shed a single glistening tear?
Or was anger still the only emotion that you chose to feel?
How many times have you supplicated for my return?
Or are you preoccupied with looking like the one who was burned?

I dreamed of escape, of being orphaned, left alone from hate
Do you still dream of the future you thought you'd convince me to undertake?
Does the house you filled with trophies and portraits
feel as empty to you as the heart you bore just to selfishly break?

Aren't you proud of your little girl, finally standing on her own two feet?
Or do your own words disintegrating in your mouth taste like rotting meat?
Will you go on, brag about my successfully being freed?
Or do you lament the fact that I no longer fear your wrath, silently cursing me?

Do you search every face, every profile for my features?
When will you stop, or has it all been a charade?
Making the rounds, leeching comfort from those
unfortunate enough to get caught in your web
How long will I have to look over my shoulder?
Shuddering at the thought of being discovered

Would you ever admit to the evil part you played?
Allow the truth to settle in, to fall like gentle rain?
I know the answer to be never
It was just to save you from the stain of public shame
So I bowed out of your punishing race

How many times would you lie right to my face?
As many times, I suppose, as it took to put me in my place
Thankfully, I took your sage advice
I wizened up and shouldered the burden
Now I live free from the lies you tried to build into my person

K.B. Silver

The unofficial challenge set out by Gabriel Huizenga, "Should I depart early," brought up a wash of feelings for me. I am not the best at following prompts, so I shifted the context to frame my going no contact with my family as the point at which I departed. The poem is addressing my mother, whose narcissism and complicity in my abuse have made a relationship with her impossible. I left everyone I ever knew, and ever pretended to love me, for a chance to heal and be happy. Living safely and peacefully is my goal.