Dear Younger Me,...

Dear Younger Me,

Your about 12 years old and your starting to realize just how screwed up things are...

Well, you've known for a time now but it's getting worse isn't it?

Somedays you want it all to end and as you stare at that knife in the dishwasher it looks so inviting....

You'll even try it...to end the pain.

Maybe just a slit, just a small one will release some of this tension.

You even press the blade against your skin; harder now to create the release.

You find you cannot go through with it.

Frustrated because now you'll have to find some other means of self-destruction or some other way to feel good and loved.

I want you to know that your worth so much more than you think.

I want you to know that life is hard but your about to meet some amazing people.

I know it isn't fair having to be a mother to your little sisters when your mother simply doesn't feel like being a mother but you are taking it so well.

I want you to know that your feelings are valid and you are beautiful inside and out.

Your going to feel as if you have to pick yourself up off the floor more times than you care to count.

That's true, you will have to do this and with God's help you will do this every time.

The feelings you feel will follow you well into adulthood I'm sorry to say but it does get better.

You find peace within yourself somewhat and learn ways to tame the beast that is your mind.

Your mind is part beast and part angelic and you haven't even seen the half of it yet.

Life is a wild ride baby girl so buckle up!

Is it worth it?

Yes because we learn something new about ourselves each and every experience.

I don't know if we'll ever have our shit together so to speak but who cares as long as we learn to love ourselves right?

After all the teachings of worthlessness and having our every move being judged by more than one person you'll eventually learn the only person's opinion that truly matters is God's and yours.

What do you think of you baby girl?

Here I am at 35 almost 36 years old and I can honestly say I'm learning finally to love me, all of me.

The good, the bad...the beautiful, the sad...

The demons that lie in the dark corners of my mind come out to play still from time to time until I shine a little light on them and then they run and hide.

Good luck and God bless growing up my dear...

Sincerely,

Your older slightly wiser self