Dear Grandpops.

Authors note: contains mention of self harm and recovery.

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Dear Grandpops,

You'd be so proud of me.

I know you're listening, watching, waiting until we can all be joined together again someday.

The scars on my arms are finally starting to fade. I kept your letter and the little John West bear you gave me when you found out I'd been self-harming.

'When life gets too hard to bear (ouch)' you wrote.

Do you remember?

I stopped after you reminded me of my worth in this life and about how life is easier when burdens are shared amongst loved ones, who were all in place ready to support me through the depression I felt at 15.

You'd be so proud of Ross too. I have no doubt that you're watching ivy grow up and that you saw Ross grow up into the fine young man that you always knew he'd become.

For all the trouble we had with our biological dad when we were younger, and the abuse he was at the hands of too, you'll be pleased to know that we grew up to be incredible parents.

I live in Scotland now too. I had a littler trouble but as always, things turned out fantastically. I know how much you loved it here and I'm sure you know about Cian too. He's nearly six months old would you believe it?

We introduced him to nan last month, she was asbolutely smitten by him. She's still sharp as ever, but I fear she's gotten to a point in her life where all she wants now is to see you again. She cried when we left, I think she gets lonely in the house on her own, particularly as you two had been together for 60 odd years before your passing.

We celebrate you every year too; with a mint vienetta icecream. Harry always says the same thing in your honour. He takes the icecream and a knife, and does the honorary slice whilst saying "what's everyone else having then?"

That was always a classic grandad. We even had it mentioned at your funeral. Always loved your food and we always loved you for it.

I miss you. I write you every day on facebook, even though I know you'll never be able to respond in the physical sense.

Can you do me a favour?

The next time your flittering those angel wings around our way, be sure to drop a feather won't you?

I miss you grandad.

With love,

Billillie.