Cycle of Pain

I kept pondering on the events of the past week

I've been dating a cheat and that makes me sick

The sound of his voice still makes me feel weak

I loathe myself not him

I already had this parti pris

I mean I loved him.

Though it took everything in me to change that word to past tense.

And it's odd that I think about him everyday but there's even much more oddity surrounding the fact that I feel like I still do have a soft spot for him.

Is this love or pity? Can't tell.

I loathe the look in his gorgeous brown eyes whenever I'm reminded of his efforts to tell me lies.

Should've known earlier that I was dealing with a lost soul.

Couldn't I have easily distinguished the facts from fiction?

But he'd pulled thick layers of wool over my eyes with his captivating chameleon smile and his inexhaustible reserve of orchestrated stunts.

He had too many girls in his circle; a huge red flag but I refused to get the memo.

Maybe I'm too gullible or the gates of my heart have no lock.

But whatever it is, I know this type of pain like the back of my palm and I; like a champ will take it even as I circle the drain in the endless cycle of pain.