crater eyes

yesterday

i got whisked away on

a train

i said goodbye to the parties

and the boys who

let me live for a night or two

and i watched as the sea swallowed me up

vivid greens and swirling

purples flashed their way

across the cab,

a projection of

the frigid state of the

thought on my mind:

how do i tell you

whom i’ve never

met

the ways in which i need you there

like i need the blue of the sea?

my parents wore the faces of frogs

at the station, dad

in pa’s tweed hat

and his dissatisfied smirk

waved goodbye with a flick of his chin

bare headed

bitter and bitten

up towards the sky

where sat the moon

who looked down at me

bare faced

chest huffed

while i looked at him

bare minded

squiggle mouthed

and remembered

i forgot to ask—

could you tell me

where you got your luggage at?

—

mom met a new man

a toad, warted and warped

with his heart in his throat

pulsing,

waiting to leap

at the chance to tell the world

there’s more to life than to sit

on the train

wading

between… those

you let slip

and die

on the bed sheets you never made

in the home that was broken before you

could make it yours

…to the people who will slip

and die with

you on the ice of the mountains

unless you pull them back

and ask, “could we

do this by the water?

this here,

this just isn’t

me”

so i settled into my seat

and let the sea shrink back

grating into me wounds

of salt

from those filthy little sheets —

they rode this train too

, once

do you remember?

all those cards i didn’t send

signatures carved into the skin of my arms

as i longed to be cleaned of this blood

by the burn of the graveyard

but said instead, “they

didn’t know you!”

so you stole a ticket

and set out for anywhere

that offered a

place to be held

for a little

while longer

—

if i died

today

got off at the next stop

knowing that,

that it wasn’t yours

/ mine

would you die too?

would you feel it?

me slipping away

a pull on the push of your heart

a suggestion

a pleading with you:

now GASP,

FOOL!

let him know that you see it

a ghost

an ectofriend

a see-thru lover

who only in the brazen gaze of the moon

could finally realize

they can't really be a ghost

if they

never had anyone to haunt

so i turn to my left

and see for

the first time

the others

pigs and mites and dragon-morphing fixtures

who also long to

make sense of the waves

and chase the threads of their thumbs

counting the lines on their face

like tiles on the ceiling of

church in hopes of making the

time

pass

quicker

on

this journey

to the end of the world

where they will be chosen

by death

accompanied

, finally

in the arms of the only

one they

/i

could truly

count on

the warmest embrace

a few shattered pieces of

earth

could ever hope for.