Counting Every Scar

Reader’s Notes:

This talks about the abuse one has to deal with while in toxic relationships. Nothing is taken lightly. Your mental health matters, so if you cannot walk with me, then don’t.

Important Numbers:

Canada: Ontario - Abuse/Assault - 211

Abuse & domestic violence helpline

States & Canada: 24/7 domestic violence

States: Text: START to 88788

The latch clicks
You say my name
That tone says everything
Tonight will end the same

Your hand grabs my neck
My back hits the wall
The room goes silent
No fight left at all

That breath comes first
I've heard it before
The waiting starts
Before anything more


The room gets smaller
Breath held in my chest
You haven't moved yet
But the body knows what's next



How much more can break before it shatters?
Each "I'm sorry" just a twisted lie
Every hit carves a deeper, darker pattern
Another piece of me disappears inside

How much more can break before it shatters?
How many times can the same scene play on?
Each "I'm sorry" just a twisted lie
And somehow I'm still the one who's wrong


I'm counting every scar
I'm counting every scar
I'm counting how we got this far



You mumble "Sorry"
I just say, "It's fine"
You promise me it's over
Then it happens every time

You blame the drink
You blame the day
You blame my mouth
For the things you say

“Don’t make me do this”
There it is again
The words come first
Then it begins


I make myself smaller
I hold my breath till it stings
I turn the whole thing into nothing
Anything but what it means



How much more can break before it shatters?
Each "I'm sorry" just a twisted lie
Every hit carves a deeper, darker pattern
Another piece of me disappears inside

How much more can break before it shatters?
How many times can the same scene play on?
Each "I'm sorry" just a twisted lie
And somehow I'm still the one who's wrong


I'm counting every scar
I'm counting every scar
I'm counting how we got this far



It wasn't the drink
It wasn't my mouth
It wasn't the way
I tried to get out

You made the choice
You made it again
And I kept calling it love
Just to survive it



How much more can break before it shatters?
Each "I'm sorry" just a twisted lie
Every hit carves a deeper, darker pattern
Another piece of me disappears inside

How much more can break before it shatters?
Maybe I always knew the answer
Each "I'm sorry" just a twisted lie
And finally call them what they are

I'm counting every scar
I'm counting every scar
I'm counting how we got this far



I'm counting every scar
I'm counting every scar
I'm counting how we got this far

You asked how far I’d let it go
I had nothing left to say
I stayed real still
Counted every time before
And watched myself just slip away

I was writing this after listening to another artist talk about abuse in their music. It just took on another life. I doubt that I would do more songs. But I thought that I would give it a go.