Cooling Embers

My husband is a bit of a pyromaniac.

We couldn’t get insurance

On our wedding barbeque

Because he’s known in town

For his conflagrations.

.

We nod.

We know the risks.

We live it,

His constant pursuit

Of fire.

.

Lucky for me, I think,

Tucking the insurance rejection under my arm,

That this man loves to watch things burn

When I, myself,

am flame.

.

I didn’t know,

For a long time,

Why everything I touched

Lit up, brilliant and bright,

For a moment,

Then left me with a handful of soot.

.

I watched in horror

as friends came to me,

Moths,

Drawn to warmth and light,

Then fell back,

reeling,

Scorched palms blistered,

The hem of their sweater smoking.

.

What was I doing wrong?

I thought I was just

Being.

.

Then I saw,

one night in an open field,

How my husband looked at me,

While I danced in the dark,

Saw the reflection of flame

In his eyes,

And I realized,

I was ablaze.

.

Perhaps I should have seen it before,

But I had been a little busy,

Consuming everything,

As fire always does.

.

I did not see,

That the tequila burning

Down my throat

Was gasoline dumped on a hearth fire.

.

It let me dance

Atop a pile of charred trash,

It made me hot enough to burn

The noncombustible.

.

I let it help me move,

I let it ruin

Me.

.

Then we took away the fuel,

And I find myself suddenly

Still.

.

Embers smoldering

against the dark night,

fading,

cooling.

.

I worry I will be extinguished.

A charred spot of grass

Where once

I roared.

.

My friends huddle

a little closer around me,

Less afraid

Now that I am not fit to erupt

In any direction

At any time.

.

They worry about me,

But also,

They have things they need burned.

.

They hope

I am normal

Tomorrow.

.

My husband sits

Long after they’ve left,

And he tells me a story

Of what a radiant fire I can be,

I sweat caustic smoke into the starry sky.

.

My friends will come back,

Most of them, anyway,

Bearing fresh wood and love,

Ready to help me

burn clean.

.

But tonight,

I let the old version of me sputter

And fade.

.

Tonight,

I let the fire

Die.