Contagion

Goodbye to the days

That slowly drawled on

While we swam in the pool

And soaked in the sun.

-

Lots of smiles

Sips of beer

(I’d try to show off)

Taking a swig.

-

While I remember the screaming

After dinner time, a lot.

Remember the intensity

The anger

Oh, and my fear.

How badly I wanted you to stop.

-

I’d run to my room and

Cry crawled up in a ball,

Small…

Not much a little girl can do,

But feel it all.

-

The boys would come to comfort.

So “funny” how I can forget,

Yet now, I remember all the days,

The noise,

The words.

-

I still wonder why

Third grade, I’d wake up to you

Making me cry,

Every morning before school,

But you saw me in a letter.

-

Was it really me

That acted so badly?

Or did you need to

Be better?

-

Because now I do it too;

I do it too and it makes me hate me,

It makes me hate you.

It makes me hate and

Hate until someone feels it too.

-

He yelled at her and him,

Who yelled at him,

Who yelled at him,

Who yelled at me.

4 fathers cyclically

Accuse and I’ve no one,

Myself, to abuse.

Beat me up while I

Try to remain strong,

While you sing the song

“I’m crazy” as if,

It wasn’t you all along.

-

Now here I am learning

To unlearn, to try to quit,

Since I’ve spread it to someone else

That I too love, because this

Is how the story goes my dove.

-

Confusion is no

Illusion when you’re

Fearing who to hurt,

Burying them in the dirt,

While kissing the tears that

Endlessly ran down their shirt.

-

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