Compulsions

This endless cycle.

Pen click 56 times.

Did I get it right this time?

Someone could be hurt if I get it wrong.

That’s what these thoughts tell me.

I have to do it just this way.

You’ll never understand….

I can’t just resist my mind won’t let me.

I’m locked in place until I feel it’s just right.

Until my mind tells me I may gave a moments peace.

I battle with urges and images.

Flooding my brain like a tidal wave.

There are things I cannot say because it’s hard enough to think them.

OCD has me in a vice grip.

I’m smaller and smaller with each new compulsion.

I might shrink away completely someday.

Now read the poem back, final line to the start. OCD seems like a circle, a never ending loop of intrusive thoughts and compulsions. There is hope though, I’m seeing it for myself finally.