Colorful Heartbeats

by BR 2 years ago in inspirational

A Poem Fueled by My Anxiety

Colorful Heartbeats

If the outdoors

wasn't as cold

as my heart,

And if I could feel the sun's warmth

on my forehead,

Instead of this

gut-wrenching sadness;

I would open the door

and take a step forward,

Letting the madness

flow

beyond the gates,

Letting go of the emptiness

And instead fill myself with

the orange-y glow

of summer sunsets

And the bright,

pink

flourishing

of flowers and fruits.

The grey

of this winter sky

And the white lines

on the grey sidewalk

And the black gravel

and the white salt

And the anger

building inside me;

Anger.

I hate grey.

Grey is when

you don't know how to feel

Or why...

I feel so cold inside

Just like outside.

And

the black asphalt

And

grey steel bars

And

white smoke,

It's all

hardening me,

And

surrounding me,

And

making everything so...

foggy.

It's lonely here,

behind the fog

And I can't.

Simply cannot

seem to clear it.

I yearn to roam

outside.

Into the woods

Or

Along the beach

Or

Into the darkness

And

scream to the treetops

And

cry by the ocean

And

hide in the shadows.

But it's so

damn

cold...

I'm longing for the solitude

of the forest

The tree top canopies,

The birds.

My bird.

A hummingbird,

He finds me

And softly whispers in my ear,

"I'm here"

And

ruffling of leaves,

And

A beautiful red leaf

settles on my shoe.

The swill of a brook,

Babbling,

Bubbling,

And

Almost singing to me.

A song that only I can hear.

Loneliness.

But,

in the most perfect way.

And then,

between the trees

there is a ray of golden light...

I dream often

of escaping to the islands;

The blue-green waves

that meet the sky

only to kiss

at sunset

Waves that coat the sand

And the sand too,

warm beneath my feet

Pink dotted bikinis

and orange adult drinks

and a pineapple on the rim

and the smell of coconuts melting

and my neon sunglasses

And the sky is so blue

And my face is so hot

The breeze starts up

tickles my neck,

It's gone already

but that's okay.

I can take the heat.

I wait for this all year.

The cry of a seagull

Waves crashing

Crashing.

Crashing.

Almost singing to me.

A song that only I can hear.

(The waves and I both

are ruled by the moon

And I too,

often crash

Into myself

Into the world).

I spot the palm trees

Only my second favorite

to the great Willow,

They shake

and dance

with the brief gusts of wind

and then stop

Stop.

And then,

between the trees

there is a ray of golden light...

I'm often seek the vastness

of the dark.

To turn the lights out

and run

into the wild,

blindfolded

and vulnerable

The adrenaline rush.

Adventure.

Quiet.

It is then I am guided

by my faith

I can't see...

My feelings though,

Are amplified.

My own heartbeat.

Heartbeat.

Heartbeat.

Heartbeat.

Breaths

running

one into another

Running.

How long have I been here?

I hear the train,

I love the train.

It's beautiful.

Almost singing to me,

A song that only I can hear.

Memories.

flooding back to me all at once.

Nostalgia.

In the most perfect way.

And then,

from under the door,

From between the cracks,

From the end of the tunnel,

There is a ray of golden light...

Hope

And you kiss my forehead.

Radiating warmth.

And now there is a pink glow

And I can feel its vibrancy.

It's amazing,

This love.

Faith.

Emotions running through my veins

And now,

there is a calmness

And now,

the fog lifts.

And now,

Peace.

Abundant peace.

inspirational
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