Close to you

I want to be talking to you all the time.

I want to be close to you all the time.

I want to matter in your life instead of feeling like I could walk right out and nothing would be affected.

You wouldn't be affected.

Nothing would change.

But I guess I’ll settle for hearing from you every 3 days when you remember I exist only when it seems to be convenient for you.

I wish I didn’t exist for your convenience.

I wish I didn’t exist.

I wish I was still optimistic about you.

About my place in your life.

I wish I never picked up on your pessimism.

I used to look at the world in hues of oranges and purples.

Everything was always so beautiful, the grass so electrifyingly green that it almost fried my senses with serotonin infused bliss.

But now everything is grey.

And I'm not just talking about my colorblind inability to see the color red.

I’m talking about waking up to grey sunrises and tasteless foods,

{if I end up deciding that the time and energy it takes to prepare and eat food is worth it.}

Unpassionate kisses, bland touches.

I hate that I have taken to seeing the world through your eyes.

Those sapphire irises used to be so beautiful to me.