Climate Corporate Strategies

Greetings, one and all employees,

This is a Climate Announcement.

Outlining corporate strategies

And how investments will be spent.

We require grit, dependability

And continued workplace attendance.

Empowered through rising degrees,

We won’t accept recalcitrance.

At +1.5° we expect

Widespread famine, thirst and disease.

If we can corner this market

The shareholders will be pleased.

With hot days from higher temperatures

Come rising air-con energy needs.

Investing early in power production ventures

Will keep us thriving off the proceeds.

At +2° the world will change:

Wars, upheaval and political fragmentation

Through which we will keep you safe

With record profits from reduced legal restrictions!

Temp’ differentials will cause super storms,

Flash floods and trees ripped from roots.

So you will live in Company dorms,

And save yourself the hazard of commute.

At +3° we will see

Mass death and widespread extinction

But with the breakdown of society,

Comes less and less market competition!

Sadly, some employees will die

(excluding upper management),

But each body on the mass grave pile,

Is an opportunity for career development!

Thank you for reading and for your time

We know together the company will thrive!

But remember:

Even as the world around you dies

Please focus first and always on your KPIs.