It’s the feeling of being devoured from the inside
Of having every organ ripped out of your body while you’re still alive, but also awake
Awake without any form of anesthetic
Awake without any form of analgesic
Awake without any form of comfort
Awake without any form of peace
Awake without any form of empathy
Awake without any form of relief
It’s the feeling of wanting to die but trying to convince yourself that you still want to live
It’s the mental anguish and the mental gymnastics you play to convince yourself that you’re doing ok
Convincing yourself that you want to stay here
Convincing yourself that you still want to breathe
Convincing yourself to remain optimistic
Convincing yourself to keep fighting
Convincing yourself to be strong
Convincing yourself to see that silver lining when you’re still going through that storm
It’s the feeling of riding on cloud nine but still losing sleep
It’s the feeling of wanting to end it all because then that would bring immediate relief
Listening to everyone pushing you to fight
Listening to everyone who at times seem to want me to suffer another night
Listening to words that don’t justify what I feel
Listening to people who have never experienced this ordeal
Listening to the mixed voices inside of my head
Listening to fight the voices that say I’d rather be dead
Pain is a feeling
Pain is a personal experience
Pain can be your horror story
Pain can be your enemy
Pain can bring out the worst in you
But pain can also bring healing
About the Creator
Ali SP
Ali has found a renewed passion for reading and creating. It is now a form of expression for her– another creative outlet which she works to improve upon.
https://www.instagram.com/art.ismyrefuge/
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