Chapter 2

chapter 2

Is this a next chapter or just one long take

I try & think it easier to myself look back .

How my life at boarding school played out ,

Was also a mystery , well completely to me.

As again I just didn’t feel the daily plan.

Girls were all put together, in class, dining & sleeping.

I never got homesick, I just excepted my circumstances.

We were all very different, from class to companionship.

My mother wrote to me

We had a green velvet board & if you had a letter it was pinned to that.

I saw my friend s cry & feel pain for there families & yes I was good with my hugs, we all dealt with the alone survival naturally differently.

My first term , I didn’t see my parents for six weeks.

That now seems forever, my mother seemed more irritated by my hair in plaits than me !

Ofcourse not true but, something I remember being strange after not seeing me for so long.

How do I explain my feelings from there ? Somewhere I feel I didn’t have any.

Or, I did , but just had to be .

Where else was I going to be?

The only t as an adult I can express is I just didn’t feel somewhere or look for anything.

Time & emotionally I stopped, I did a lot of stuff for attention,

My class mates were in awe of my daring approach.

I know for certain I wasn’t showing off , I just was playing out me& I felt safe to do that,

I also didn’t care if the outcome.

I again was not solid.

I was vunrable, but challenging two halves that nobody really wanted to engage with me & equally I didn’t like me either.

When the holidays came.

I returned home & no one wanted to know me.

They had all continued their lives & moved on.

I again detached as I felt again, a different way about not feeling part of anything