Challenge of Forgiveness

Challenge of Forgiveness

Today feels odd,

Like nothing ever happened,

Even though my guard still feels like it might be up.

~

Friday equaled little or no sleep

I slept maybe four hours

I scrolled on FB, TikTok, and played my designer game

I had my mind running through a thousand thoughts at once

It felt like my brain was running a marathon

Trying to see which thought would win the race

2am…

I finally rolled over and fell asleep for what little hours I could get

And then I rolled into appointments Friday morning

I was so tired, but I made it.

~

Saturday was a tough day for me

Mentally strenuous and activating

I worked with clients

The last few each running over on time.

I felt drained

I felt conflicted

Something inside me felt off.

~

One thing I’ve been working on healing

Have been relationships

I came home Saturday,

Sat down in the recliner ready to watch “Happiness for Beginners”

When I turned the tv off

And Bluetooth my music to the sound bar.

Singing blaring

I felt my finger tapping

My heart thumping

I needed to write

I needed to get something off my chest.

I blared “Speak My Mind” by Adelitas Way

And let the words come.

~

Sunday

Didn’t feel much better.

My mind still raised

I felt antsy

Incomplete

Overstimulated and like I was standing on unsteady feet

I contemplated all the things I could do

I thought about all the people I could reach out to and check on

Sunday was a busy workday too,

But it was therapeutically productive.

So, finally home and sitting in my recliner again,

Music playing again,

I sent a message to an old friend

Someone I hadn’t talked to in probably the better part of fifteen years

I felt like she deserved to hear an apology from me

I felt like she deserved a second chance

Because everyone can change

Everyone has the ability to do better, if they choose to.

~

I wonder how things could have been different.

I wonder if it would have been better or worse?

I took a leap of faith,

I’m braving my heart and feelings again.

~

Talk between us is like yesterday

I find myself worrying for your care and health.

I wonder who else might come out of the woodwork.

Who else might feel like healing a broken bond?

I feel like everyone is brought across our path for a purpose.

Everyone has meaning and worth.

~

Looking forward into a new chapter of my life.

No more looking back at the past.

No more broken pieces

I’ve glued everything back together

Now it’s time to shine and become a new Masterpiece