Broken Kid , Broken Dreams

Have you ever felt your heart shattered into thousands of pieces?

Your imagination gone as well as all your wildest dreams

An unhealable feeling, when you feel your body getting weak your eyes filled with tears

A best friend, father, man who had seen the world from a third eye, a king in my eyes

“Can’t wait to see you dad, I hope your doing okay”

Pictures of us smiling, father and son couldn’t be beat

A heartbroken kid was never an ideal image but now that's all I was

A boys role model, his superhero that had finally been defeated by the villain

I was no longer that starry eyed boy who had the whole world waiting for him

Now I am a broken kid, broken and having to fix myself

Now I am the kid who needs to push himself by himself without that role model

Now I am the kid who must find the missing pieces in the dribble of a ball or in the rhythm of music or in the love of other people

An early reality check is what i call it

No more space adventures gliding through space shuttles gently and so calm like an eagle hovering its territory

No more listening to the millions of fans screaming your name from every drop of the world because you scored the game winning goal

No more flashing lights and paparazzi following me because i won an oscar for one of the greatest films of all time

Now my mind is left ponding with dull ideas of the real world

Maybe i’ll be a cashier at tilly's being a servant to that little white girl who's throwing a fit over a top that's sold out because her other is broken

Maybe i'll be the car wash guy who scrubs the dirt off the front of the windows before every car tends to its wash to bathe the broken dents

Or maybe ill be the waiter who goes and takes orders for the table with the screaming baby and 3 kids who cant be controlled. because their imaginations are running wild as mine used to

Because now im in reality , with broken dreams that will never be seen again because my own hole is too far down to dig back up or as i can only imagine

Because i let the kid inside of me disappear and rebirth of a new kid, a broken one

Im sorry i let you down, i should have just done those homework assignments and studied for those test because i know you love straight A’s

I should have waited to talk to girls later in life because i know you think they have cooties and are gross and the only thing they do is irritate you

I should have read every book and wrote as many stories as i humanly could until my arm felt like heavy rocks in a bag and my head steaming with the most illuminated ideas because i know dad loved when you wrote stories

I should i should i should, thats all i could say

Im sorry Eric, i let you down

“It's okay big E jus keep ya head up and get your stuff done”

You right , i'll keep that in mind.

Maybe one day when i'm fixed i'll read you another poem, the Fixed Kid with Fixed Dreams

When my heart isn't so shattered and my imagination is filled with unreasonable ideas

When i realize that it is a healable feeling and i notice i'm the strongest i have ever been in my life