Bottoming Out

Another night alone in my head.

Accompanied only by thoughts I dread.

A night of poor choices

damned to listen to my inner voices.

Judging,

hating,

questioning,

most of all debilitating.

This pain

and the twisting strain

on my brain

Is sure to drive most insane.

Constantly asking what am I doing?

Where am I going?

Caught in this rut

fearing what I'll see when my eyes shut.

The dreamscapes are scarce

while nightmares are plenty

which is all too common when your empty.

Filled only with Self loathing

now manifesting

Through self destructing acts slowly defining a life

that has never been weakened by strife.

Never needing substance as a crutch.

Now vulnerable to its slightest touch.

Begging for salvation

or a revelation

from my obvious destination.

I've finished my preparation

but can't manage any action.

I'll tell myself it's time to end this sorrow,

but it's shortly followed by

“fuck it maybe tomorrow."