by Mika Sea 10 months ago in sad poetry

The Dark Blue


You paint yourself a bright blue to those around you knowing that it doesn't feel right. You were told that by disregarding your own feelings and making yourself completely available, to be used by others any way they'd wish, you'll be loved by a lot more people.

You force yourself to believe that you're the one who listens and not the one who'll be listened to. You grow liking how the broken-minded pour their hearts out to you, hoping to get comfort from your feedback.

You allow them to speak their own minds undisturbed, further allowing them to control and use you till they're satisfied and you never speak against it because you fear to be unloved.

You were taught to be kind, not to be rude no matter what happens. So you listen to the lesson being taught and you never second guess why the guy sitting next to squeezes your inner thigh during the middle of class. Or, why the person who saw doesn't stop him but instead pretends that they never saw even though he made eye contact and saw your glossy eyes hide away from his.

You think that keeping quiet is polite so you never talk about the guys who constantly touch you when no one is looking. They brag about it through giggles with his friends who know it's wrong, but laughs along anyway thinking that maybe you wouldn't mind others doing the same.

You let others touch you until you begin to feel disgusting and filthy so you hide away from the world in hopes that you'd dissolve into your mattress, but school is still an important thing so you go about your day pretending you're the brightest blue no one has ever seen.

You think about things that should not be thought, but you don't have the guts to go through with it. So, you unintentionally reach out to a person you knew through an old friend and you feel free in telling him everything you've wanted to say before and you love the fact he actually listens. You even thought you were being understood but you soon realise everyone has a habit of being the same.

So you act the same as all the other light blues playing along as the bright blue others think you are because others will never approve of the different blue that you are.

sad poetry
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Mika Sea

just here to get things of my mind

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