Blowing It

finding comfort

in the abstraction

dissociating

from the reaction

🔥💠📌💠🔥

everything

I’ve ever known

crushed to frit

mixed into the

molten grit

🔥💠📌💠🔥

concentrated flame

melts away

cellular integrity

melding every detail

into glowing fantasy

🔥💠📌💠🔥

dreams and

nightmares

inflated, filled by

a forceful breath of air

thrust into the furnace

shaped to perfection

with expert care

🔥💠📌💠🔥

red reflective curves

terminate in a

sharp silver spike

tempered in my

secret lehr

sheltered from the

shattering point

🔥💠📌💠🔥

fears transformed into

a blown glass tack

dreams ballooned

pierced

erupted in a

splintering cascade

K.B. Silver

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have wondered why you haven't seen me lately, I have been dealing with medication problems. I don't know if anyone else has noticed any problems with the pharmacies lately. I have gotten the wrong pills, and a fraction of the pills I was supposed to get. They have billed the wrong insurance, and worst of all, they will simply not fill a script.

It happened with a schedule 5 controlled medication. That is the classification for medications that are dangerous if not taken properly. In the case of this particular medication, you can start having seizures, and luckily for me, I am well aware of the consequences, so I titrated down at the first sign of trouble, avoiding the worst consequences. But it took nearly six months, and when I finally got my medication back, the Neuropathy it was prescribed to control had finally spread across my entire body. I was in writing pain all day, every day. I even shaved my waist-length hair to escape the agony. In the end, it took my husband going into the pharmacy and complaining every day for almost two weeks before anything happened.

That was the end of 24 early 25, and now it's happened again, only this time with my nonstimulant ADHD meds. These aren't a controlled substance, and as far as I know, aren't used recreationally. There was no answer whatsoever about why these weren't being filled; they just consistently weren't. After two months, I tried a different pharmacy. That didn't work either. After a dozen appeals to my doctor and her contacting multiple pharmacies numerous times, I finally got it back, only last week, after four months, and my life completely falling apart.

There remains no explanation, only terrifying consequences for the unserved. I consider myself lucky that neither of these medications was lifesaving for me. What if I really were taking it for seizures? Do they do this to people on insulin and cancer drugs? Here, at least, this phenomenon isn't limited to me; I haven't spoken to a single person here in Tahoe who hasn't had a similar experience. What I don't know is if this is happening all over the US, or if there is something fishy going on here.

Needless to say, I'm getting back on track, but I am not at full speed yet. I have a lot to do around the house in addition to returning to my writing projects. Just know I haven't disappeared or abandoned you all.