Blink and You'll Miss It

forgetting is a gift until it’s not

blank plate so you can dine

smile, and toast another winning dish

of bone marrow and —

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mashed-up stories inside your brain

ones carefully crafted

played in refrain

every time it leaks out

every time you lash out

just take another dose of

perfumed lies

layer on droplets of indescribable —

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reality is what you make it

will you be swept up

on the tides of oblivion

cultivate the right atmosphere

survive to live another —

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day after day of

smiling and nodding

you know, all the while

you’re inches away

from a monster

you feel the breath on your neck

yet every time you swat at

its palpable presence

there’s nothing swatting —

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back, don’t you want to go

back to the times when everything was

fat blunts and smiles sublime

the tablecloth, white and starched

not stained in memories and

wine the color of dried —

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blood

stained, no soaked in it

candles falling, fire stoked

burning photos

memories of a you

you don’t know

days, weeks lost

a blank calendar

stolen, consumed by the

darkness

leaving you vulnerable —

🎞️📷🎞️📷🎞️📷🎞️📷🎞️📷

to getting trapped in a dimly lit room

worse than being alone

being permanently tethered

to the secret leeching your soul

because forgetting is a gift

until it’s not

K.B. Silver

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I never actively attempted to recover my memories due to the possibility of having false memories built on suggestions and fear. I only had a few scattered flashes. Because the usual triggers like scents and pictures didn't jog my memories For years I thought they were gone, that I would never remember. I had stories people told me about my own photos. I had the dates and places written on the back, but it was like looking at someone else's life.

When I cut my family off completely, once I felt safe, that there was no chance of being trapped with them again, the floodgates broke. I was lost in flashbacks for weeks, possibly months.

The depiction of trauma-induced memory loss given in the movie Blink Twice was, to my experience, fairly accurate. Recovering memories is not for the faint of heart. Unfortunately, there is no pill to work through them, no pill to get your thoughts in order; there are only pills that help keep them buried.

Forgetting may be a defense mechanism, but at some point, being unable to leave a dangerous situation because you don't remember the danger is more detrimental than the memories themselves.