Black.

The following is "Black." by mx. j. nyla mcneill, in both pages and text (as one would usually find on mx. j nyla's Patreon).

"Black."

When people ask,

“What’s your favorite color?”

I say,

“Black.”

Some say it’s not a color,

'n' dare ask me to redact.

Saying, “It’s not a color.

It’s a shade, in fact.”

well.

in that case.

My favorite color is shade.

My favorite color is what happens when all the crayons are melted together in my Crayola crayon-making machine.

My favorite color is the one my ancestors gave me,

that color we’d reclaimed; also,

the color of deserving, shut eyes,

the background of imagination,

the worlds first peoples,

the color of liberation. perhaps

the color of God.

My favorite color is the soot of a necessary fire.

My favorite color is a proud lack thereof.

My favorite color is when the lights go out.

My favorite color happens to absorb yours.

My favorite color is what happens when white is negated,

when a n*gga bein’ peaceful, basking in the thumbnail

of a great yellow crest, widened irises in a kiss of light,

as the moon decides that it’ll, tonight, hide from the sun.

and, "in fact". about "shade".

the shade is where my Black rests, and

where my brown is celebrated, and understood.

where it needs healing from years of being told it doesn’t get to be an option.

where it needs healing from being compared to all the other colors, and carrying them, and tryna be like them, too.

where it needs healing from years of being bruised; greened, and greyed, it gets heavy.

where it is now read for filth, held by friends of many colors,

like a newly offered astrological chart. I’m a Black sun, shade rising, blue moon, with all them colors in all them houses. I am them.

to be both Black, and shade.

so very "cool".

(but actually)

stunning

funny

brave.

in Black,

the colors be everywhere

mixed queerly in rainbowed totality.

in Black,

the colors be nowhere found

so little light that there is no other choice but

to be both Black, and shade.

unashamed

everything

nothing

proud

working for all of

the hex codes,

to be liberated

at once.

-

mx. j. nyla mcneill (they / them | s/he / hir ) (@mx.jvn on IG) is a Black-pinxy, queer and trans polymath. they are a musician, earth, light, and cultural worker, as well as an early career research scientist with the University Wisconsin-Madison’s Trans CARE Laboratory. They are a post-graduate student, youth education facilitator, tiny business owner (@mx.lifestyling), and skateboarding organizer (@black_girls_skate, @queerskatela) who loves food.