Beware of the Cats

Rio and Roxy are sisters from birth. Divided by intellect and size, they are the epitome of cats with character.

Rio is small, agile and intelligent. A penchant for snacks and world domination, she spends her days roaming the neighbourhood in search for small creatures to torture.

Roxy hasn't had the best start in life. At the age of 3, she's had two knee operations and has become slow and overweight. Her IQ is extremely low and she does some questionable things for a cat, however they are both extremely loving and cuddly.

These are a collection of personal poems and photos I have taken throughout our lives together.

Washing the Window

Washing the window,

With my paws,

I want to come inside,

I see you sitting there,

on the sofa,

I want to come inside,

I know I could use the cat flap,

But that would make things easy,

You just sat down either for a nap,

Or with a toastie that's quite cheesy,

So stop what you're doing and let me in,

I want to have a point of view,

I'm hungry and want some attention,

sorry to inconvenience you,

You just need to get up off your ass,

And wipe off that expression of woe,

Until that I'll screech my paws on the glass,

And carry on washing the window.

Roxy's Lament

I wish I could run as fast as my sister,

She so quick on her feet you might miss her,

I try to run as fast through the course,

But I end up trotting like a small horse,

To sprint and jump, that would please,

But I was born with knackered knees,

So to get over that and compensate,

I ended up slow and over ate,

Now I'm fat and slow, but keen,

Where she is fast, athletic and lean,

When I jump up on the fence,

Let the competition commence,

Hang on is that I bird I can see,

How did Rio end up in the tree!

I wish I could climb as high as my sister,

So close to that bird, she could've kissed her,

But I've got fat hips cos I like to munch,

I also walk with a bit of a hunch,

I wish I could run as fast as my sister,

She's so agile, blink and you'll miss her,

So quick, graceful and snappy,

I maybe awkward and slow, but at least I'm happy!

The Red Dot

Yes I caught the little red dot,

I am the red dot master!

It may have thought that it was quick,

But I have been much faster,

Hang on where has the damn thing gone,

I thought it was just there,

I just caught it under my paw,

I'm certainly not lying, I swear.

Wait a minute there it is,

Sneaky little thing,

I'll chase it around a bit more,

And catch it once again,

I got it... no wait,

How does it move so fast?

It'll never keep up with me,

How can it even last,

I'll pretend I didn't see it,

And pounce on it quite mean,

Yes! I caught the little red dot,

I am the red dot catching queen!

Bathroom Window Blues

Why do I leave the bathroom window open

Some people might question why?

Because the cats never come in at night,

And moan if they're stuck outside.

They can come and go as they please,

From jumping on the roof,

Little muddy paw prints on the bath,

Certainly seem aloof

It's really cold in the winter,

Especially going to the loo,

Giving you the shock of your life,

By a cat jumping back through,

And when I stand and wait to... contemplate

They jump up and meow at me,

Screaming loud and grabbing my arm,

"Do you mind, I'm having a wee!"

Snacks Galore

Snack snacks snacks galore

They make me run inside,

Snack snacks snacks galore,

They fill me full of pride,

When I hear small tubs rattle,

I run and jibber and prattle,

They are so sweet,

With cheese and meat,

I love those snacks galore,

A packet of crunchy treats,

Some dried out chicken meat,

A brown stick to share,

Fair is fair,

I love those snacks galore,

Snacks snacks snacks galore,

I'll scream until I faint,

Snacks snacks snacks galore,

Don't make me eat the paint!

Snacks snacks snacks galore,

They make me wiggle my bum,

Snacks snacks snacks galore,

I want them in my tum!

The Pee Step

Sometimes I get caught short,

It always happens to me,

Or it might be a smell that I don't like,

Who cares I have to pee!

The litter tray wasn't really that clean

And I'm feeling slightly nervous,

I can't really help the feeling,

But it always causes a fuss.

The feeling gets stronger,

So off I got to trot,

The carpet by the bottom step,

Ah that's the spot!!!

Sometimes I feel a little sick

From eating too much food,

It's possibly my own fault,

I probably should've chewed,

The grass outside is quite nice,

It wraps and binds my tummy,

Hey at least it's coming out the front,

And not a runny bummy!

Rio's Contemplation

Rio sits and contemplates

whilst staring out the window,

"I wonder why they drive those cars,

and wherever do they go?"

She watches some people walking by,

The children going to school,

"I wonder where those mini humans are going?

And why is that one screaming like a fool?"

Rio sits and contemplates

whist sitting in the front room chair,

"I like it here, its quiet and classy,

and at the front door I can stare!"

"When does it open and Daddy come home,

in a happy mood?"

"I'll give him only some of my attention,

and he can give me food!"

Rio sits and contemplates

the meaning of this world,

eating, sleeping, chasing birds

and of napping with tails curled.

of sunny days and windy trees,

and lazing all the time.

"I love this world, full of people and things... but soon it will be mine!!!"

Tale of a Tail

What's that wriggling in my face,

It looks like something alive,

Maybe I'll catch it with my teeth,

Even though I only have five,

I'm sitting here just chilling out,

And something squirms at my nose,

I'll try and grab it with my paws,

Whatever it is, who knows?

It's at it again I'll get it this time,

Why is it full of allure?

I have a feeling I've seen it before,

Long,wriggly and covered in fur,

I bite down hard, ouch that hurts,

What happened, why did I fail?

Oh hang on I realise what it is,

It's only my twitching tail.

A Haiku

Rio and Roxy

slim genius, fat dumbass,

they need each other.

Running Down the Stairs

Roxy lollops down the stairs

probably to eat some food,

not quite as graceful as her sister,

I guess the olympics will not miss her,

as she runs her gunt wobbles,

Rio looks on in disgust,

she trots like a small horse,

she'd never win a derby of course,

you can hear her coming,

her footsteps are loud,

for someone only small size

she certainly can't spring a surprise!

Rio runs down the stairs,

she always has to jibber,

look at me aren't I exquisite to view,

full of grace and balance, and very modest too!

Playing Piano

Playing piano on the bed,

I'm writing my concerto,

I purr and push my paws well in,

No claws so it doesn't hurt though.

Roxy the pig

Roxy ate the food again,

I cry in exasperation,

why can't she ever stop,

this obsession with mastication!

It's costing me a fortune in food,

and they really are particular,

don't even sniff expensive brands,

the cheap stuff is obviously tastier.

filling up the bowls to the max,

I leave for work or play,

but when I come in, they're empty again,

Roxys gorged all day!

Roxy ate the food again,

Cries Rio in huff,

shaking with rage and hunger,

Rio's had enough!

the moment Roxy walks to the bowl,

Rio slaps her as she walks past,

I'll have to intervene the feeding frenzy,

and kick her up the arse.

sometimes she's sneaky and hides under the table,

stretching to eat unseen.

then I shout, food drops out her mouth,

then I just feel mean.

but she now has wide hips and a belly,

that wiggles when she runs,

I do love my little fat cat though,

it helps with all my puns!

Definition of a Snusser

Snusser is a word

to describe the antics of cats.

it derives from the word pusser,

you could say snussysnats!

snusser sums up what they are,

a word of more than one use,

snussering or snussery

can be character traits of a snuss,

something snusspicious is going on,

when I hear moving objects and chairs,

then two little snussers appear innocently,

trying to avoid your glares,

what are they up to, snussreing about,

thats the only way to put it,

for any and all snussers out there,

the trick is to just keep at it!

Chewy the Moo Moo

Slovenly he slinks from out under the bed,

Yawning as he slowly awakes,

With a big handsome face he approaches,

And with big paws he shakes,

A quiet little mew

to let you know he's there,

Jumping onto your chest

To wake you with some care,

Slowly walking to the bowl,

Gulping down some tuna,

Then going to lie down on the TV,

The sun couldn't come out sooner,

A lovely old boy with patches of black,

Upon the Snow White fur,

Unless he's eating tomato fish,

Then orange stains will occur!

A little bit deaf and tired legs,

He'll always give you cuddles,

Or sleeping outside the back door,

With fur that gets in muddles,

Mostly sleeping, or he's eating,

Curling up on top of you,

On your lap a cute big face,

He's a sleepy old moo moo.

Cat Portal

Staring into the cat portal

Mystified by the murky depths,

The cat sees herself in the reflective surface,

What does she see?

The gateway to another world,

The place where the spirit of cats live,

She stares for what seems an eternity,

Watching this world go by,

The mystical place where cats go,

In their dreams, in their conscious,

What does it look like,

Is it the cat world,

Where they live on another plain,

Chasing mice and dangling things,

Lying around with hordes of snacks,

And tins of tuna,

She's stares a little longer, either communicating,

Or with a yearning to join them,

She stops, leans forward, and takes a drink from her bowl.

Lily

A lady of experience and age,

She wanders in with much sage,

To the bowl for gulps and licks,

Hoping it's always felix,

Always walking with no rush,

Grumbles when she has a brush,

Sits outside another's house,

But still would probably chase a mouse,

She's a dear old girl with flecks of brown,

If she could she'd wear a crown,

Grabbing your feet walking up the stairs,

In her heart she still cares,

She's a mixture of all of the above,

A lady of experience and love.

Things to Play With

I love mice

I love mice

They squeak and run

Chasing them is fun

I love mice

Mice are easy to present,

They run under the bed,

Daddy shouts "what's going on?"

As I'm going out my head!

Sometimes they run a little too fast

And I can't catch them in my jaw,

Sometimes they hide or run inside

The speaker on the floor.

I love frogs

I love frogs

They squeal and jump

Paws hit like a thump

I love frogs

Frogs are easy to bring in

Dropped right by the back door

They jump around and are such fun,

Especially across the kitchen floor,

And as much as I am praised for catching,

These amazing living toys,

I get the feeling it's not really wanted,

Especially the noise!!

Making the House Safe

Making the house safe

I'm making the house safe,

I rub my head,

Against the bed,

I'm making the house safe,

I rub against the door,

Whilst pushing with my paw,

I rub my head,

I might be fed,

I rub against the door,

The coffee table is nice,

Surrounded by toy mice,

I push my cheek,

Upon the teak,

The coffee table is nice,

The banister will chafe,

The cupboard holds my faith,

I rub my scent,

The reason is meant,

For making the house safe.

Cats Have No Sense of Time

Cats have no sense of time

i really don't mean to whine,

but at 4am,

grand prix track,

really isn't fine!

then at 6am,

they wake you again,

with purring and prodding,

in your face nodding,

it's breakfast time for them!

but when its time to go bed,

and they are hiding under the shed,

no matter how much you shout for them,

they are laughing off their head!

finally you have to leave for your job,

chucking coffee down your tired gob,

where are the cats?

they've gone upstairs.

for them its time for a midmorning slob!

I Wonder if I Can Fit in There

I wonder if I can fit in there,

A shoebox that's left open,

I'll jump inside and rest my bum,

Well hidden... well I'm hoping,

I wonder if I can fit in there,

Bathroom cupboard with a loose panel,

I'll scratch it off with my paws,

And disappear amongst an old flannel,

I wonder if I can fit up there,

The wardrobes top I'm creeping,

I jump up so sly, without a sound,

So I can watch the people sleeping,

I wonder if I can fit under there,

A floorboard that's come free,

Suddenly I realise I am stuck,

Please can somebody help me!

Thanks for Reading