being there for them

a kaleidoscope of being there that shifts according

to the day

and the precise medley of energies present.

my internal landscape revolves between and evolves amongst these:

“let them ask for and advocate to have their own needs met. sometimes more than once is necessary"

and

“listen deeply to your many loves and make timely time the first time they indicate they could use listening” because asking even once can be hard

and

"know your loves well enough to know what is actually hard for them"

and

"facilitate your loves' recognition of what is hard for them"

and

"trust your loves to do the work of telling you what is extra hard for them"

and

"love your loves extra when you notice that something is hard for them that they have not yet accepted is hard for them"

and

"compensate for that —- complement that— compliment that -- but only as authentically called"

and

"submit to a different idea of what it means to be authentically called"

and

"notice what do i need, what is my capacity right now, what is mine to give"

and

"what is the nature of my energetic contract with this love"

and then,

when the revolution must pause,

this one:

"i've come to find that, despite masterful competency in all the contemporary trends of social relating skills, i no longer have capacity for this. and i want to want to regain capacity more than i actually want to regain capacity. so, i am minimally emotionally available for the indefinite future. i hope you built out a robust support system along the way like i lovingly urged all along."

my role for so many long suns: the shepherd to the pure waters when they didn’t even know how much they needed one. they told me as much with great thanks.

am i retired from all of that now?

will anyone shepherd me meantime?

what is this land beyond caring in those ways i most loved? how have i lost my way to those purest waters? and where are those humans who i showed the ways there? so upset that i'm no longer carrying the water to them that they won't recognize how much i could use their carry now?

i will ask the waters in my body to guide my way to the new next waters, anoint and tend them with an offering of my medicinal saliva: purest. waters. of. in. tact. future. ancient. loving. memory. and. skill. for. all.