because.why. give.up

I think I’m trying again. Trying that thing where I pretend there’s not just an “either, or” instead of “and” allowing myself to take in deep breaths of the overconsumption of possibility over the whole underestimating time’s ability to make things work out

Yea.

I think I’m trying again.

Finding a voice.

Maybe not necessarily “mine” but a mix of the way my grandma says “chile, it’ll be alright” and my mother’s arms around my small body as she rocked me to bed.

I think my bestfriend laughing over me mispronouncing a word so horribly the whole table said “what,” made me think “yea, let’s go for another round.”

Because the night before, I checked the calendar to remember I’m heading to 25 and my eyes swelled up only ‘cause I needed a reminder that I was alive

Another round

Another again

Another this

Another that

Another

“Yea.

I’m trying again.”