Because of You...

by Johnae Rose 2 years ago in heartbreak

A Poem

Because of You...

three years ago

every morning when I woke up

I wished I hadn't

every time my phone would go off

my heart dropped

because I was afraid it was you

I was afraid that I'd have to talk to you

or that I'd have to deal with you

and I couldn't drop you

I couldn't just cut you off

because you made me believe that "I needed you"

you actually made me think that I couldn't live without you

And there's no question about what you did to me

how you tore me down in every mental and emotional way possible

then reeled me back with your words of "love" telling me you meant none of it

the way you convinced me that I deserved you and the way you treated me

You abused me

maybe not physically but everything you did

was abuse

you destroyed me and didn't even care

I couldn't take it anymore

and three year ago I realized

That captivating smile I was fell for

was nothing but a mirage

Those ocean eyes and the one who made it seem like I fell in love with a piece of heaven

was all a lie

It was all one big deceitful lie

You made my life a living hell that seemed inescapable

But I left

I finally left

But it's been three years

and I'm still damaged

Because of you

Because of you I don't believe it when he calls me beautiful

I don't want to believe that I'm "Amazing" or "Perfect"

because all I hear is you telling me every little thing that is wrong with me

And to this fucking day I am still recovering from all the shit you put me through

You destroyed me

You destroyed my self image

my confidence

my trust

You destroyed me

It's all because of you that I struggle with myself so much

but also because of you

I know that I deserve better

and I know that someone better is capable of loving me and looking past every little thing that's wrong with me

It's all Because of You... Dillon.

Read next: I Am A Bullet.
Johnae Rose

The story of a writer is always one of emotion..

Everyone has a muse 

Mine's you.. and you're the reason I write.

See all posts by Johnae Rose