Back to October

I stand outside with my eyes closed

I feel the brisk air on my cheeks

It’s in my hair and tickling my nose

I listen to the leaves as they roll down the street

Dancing and twisting and sliding in the breeze

I take it all in,

Just for a couple of weeks

Every year I’m back again,

I’m back to sixteen.

I’m back to standing outside looking at your street,

The colors and the smells,

The decay and the treats

Fall was different when you were around

It’s like my whole world changed

Fall was you and fall was me

Somehow that’s stuck as I’ve aged

I don’t miss you,

Life is better now

But I still can’t shake that notion

I loved you then and it was new

New glances

New touches

New emotions

We started in fall and we ended in spring

The opposite of the usual way

I’m glad that it happened but I wouldn’t go back

My seasons are better this way

But still there you are

The first thing on my mind when the seasons start to change

A little reminder of sixteen every year

Like something paused and stayed in that stage

That dirty blonde hair and black peacoat

The brown boots and silly love stricken gaze

I’m glad she’s still out there in some universe

Dancing around in some forgotten happy place

She’d never guess where her life would go

Or the happiness that she’s found since then

That you’re not around and that will happen soon

When the trees fill out again

But now they’re changing from green to orange and yellow and red and then bare

And I’ve grown and I’ve changed and I’m different too,

There’s no more blonde in my hair

But I still go back every October to that girl and that love that she knew

I don’t know why

I know it’s not for you

But still I’m glad that I do