Awake

Sleep eludes me

as my brain goes through
every moment of my life—
every mistake,
every happiness,
every pain,
every sadness.

Calculating the future,
trying to figure out
what I did wrong in the past.

I hope that this insomnia won't last,
but I've already been lying here
for over an hour,

running out of energy,
running out of power

to fight the thoughts
that play like movies in my brain,
driving me insane.

And I need the sleep
because I have a big day.

So why won't these thoughts go away
so that I can fall asleep,

dream peacefully,

and wake up refreshed,
feeling blessed

for a day of doing things
I love and enjoy?

Instead,

I'm lying awake,

worrying,
wondering,
pondering.

"This too shall pass,"
as they say.

But as I lie here in bed,

all these thoughts in my head,

filling me with dread...

or hope.

I don't know.

There's a little bit of everything
in there right now.

And all I want it to do

is shut down

so that I can sleep.

Deep sleep.

That's all I want right now.