awake at two

you attack

no, you smile first

then attack

knife—

yeah

knife in my back

i pull it out

i always do

wipe it clean

make it pretty,

make it something i can use

now—i bite

i bark

i snarl

i growl

ink drips

no—blood

no—both

i write you down

line by line

every word you said

about them

about me

about everyone when you thought no one was listening

funny

now you run

now you hide

now it’s “please”

now it’s pride

say it again

say i’m crazy

say i’m unhinged

say it slower

so it sounds true

i don’t care

i don’t—

i do

i do a little

i do enough to be awake at two

you said i make us look bad

us?

there was never an us

just me

and the version of you

that smiles

the version of you

that cuts me in two

i feel stupid

god i feel stupid

like i swallowed every word you fed me

and asked for seconds

i feel dumb

but not quiet

not anymore

you don’t get quiet

you don’t get clean

i kept the knife

see it gleam