Are You Okay?

“Are you okay?” they say

And as I force yet another smile on my face, I say, “Yeah, just tired.”

I watch their eyes fill with relief

Because they don’t actually give a damn about my grief

They don’t care that my world is collapsing all around me with the sudden ease of an earthquake

Shaking and crumbling, while everyone I’ve ever cared about just stands by and watches

Because what could they even do to save me now?

They don’t care that when I look in the mirror my eyes fill with tears

Because I fear I will never be enough

They don’t care that, as they make their little jokes, my world goes up in smokes

They don’t care that the abyss of depression and the endless tunnel of anxiety have simultaneously swallowed me whole

They don’t care that, while my depression makes me want to care about nothing, my anxiety forces me to care about every little thing

They don’t care

Only asking in a desperate attempt to appease the judgemental soul that is their conscious

Only asking to make themselves feel better

And because of this, if they ask, I have no reason to try

Try to explain the empty holes and endless tunnels with which I can never seem to escape

Try to tell them how hopelessly lonely I feel, even surrounded by people

Try to make it clear that to me;

Life is pointless

Love is flawless

But my fears are endless

Making every tear I cry and every moment of pure, endless heartache I encounter add ten more pounds to the weight on my shoulders

Making every new worry harder to cope with

And making every new poem fill past the brim with despair

Overflowing into a river of grief