Anxietea

When I feel anxious, I drink tea

It’s pure Camomile and it’s meant to calm my nerves

You know how you just hang onto information sometimes

While other stuff is filtered out and forgotten

I hang onto this information with both hands

When I get anxious it comes in different forms

I can get a giddiness in my chest

And feel like I have a lot of energy

Other times it’s just at the edge of my mind

It’s not gone but I can manage to ignore the sense of doom

I tell myself that

Yes, I locked the door

No, I’m not going to crash the car

It’s not as bad as I feel it is

Other times

It’s so strong it feels oppressive

Like a physical weight is pushing me down

Making it hard to move

Hard to breathe

I’m breathing fast because something is wrong

But I don’t know what it is

This impending sense of doom

I don’t know why it is

Happening

I feel this overwhelming sense of dread

And I feel like crying

I grip the sheets

Looking around trying to find the source of my fear

But there is nothing

So, I make some tea

Hair still dripping from the shower

The towel wraps loosely around my chest

I stand by the jug as it starts to bubble

Grabbing any mug because my favourite ones are dirty

I steep the tea

Watch as the water changes colour

Clear to yellow

I hold the mug in both hands

The warmth is comforting

And then I take a sip

Hoping it will soothe me once more

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