an open letter to my protectors

It feels like life just burns a hole in my pocket

I went from feeling whole to feeling half and now I can’t stop it

Reminiscent of first kisses, explosions like fireworks or bottle rockets

Sometimes I wish I could’ve bottled my youth or tucked it into my back pocket

It’s getting late now

I think a lot about how love turns into hate now

How we’re all shapeshifters drifting from one place to the next

The high that you get from just one text

And how low you drop when the one you love just doesn’t respond

It’s crazy how easily miscommunication can fray even the strongest bonds

Maybe no one can stay fond of anything forever

And people change, it’s like A Walk To Remember

Because maybe love is like the wind in that it stays in the air

Even after the people who felt it are no longer there

Maybe it just doesn’t care

Maybe it lingers just to teach us a lesson on how temporality and space can’t even fix all messes

Maybe there is a heaven, I’m trying to be okay with that

I grew up hearing how you only ever get there if you never stray from the path

But I guess that I’ve been questioning now

Because my journey on the straight and narrow never worked out

It’s like I’m running from pain

A slow cyanide drip through my veins

But maybe we’re all supposed to walk through the rain

And maybe real life hurts

Maybe we’re cursed with walking through barbed wire until we’re strong enough to forge through the fire

So instead of surrender, I’m saying we all need to aim higher

And yes, I guess I’m including myself

It’s time to call out for help

I don’t care if you’re ashamed

Because you only get burned if you sit there in the flames

And you only get treated if you let someone take you in

I know I’m a hypocrite because pride is my biggest sin

I’m trying to move on from that

I almost lost two toes to frostbite and I’m lucky I got them back

You don’t know how hard I fought for that

I thought I was fine, the people around me knew better

So to my friends and my family, consider this an open letter

Thank you for keeping me whole

I know I never really say just what goes on in my soul

But I just hope that you know

You make my heart feel full.