An Ink of Ravens

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.” - Edgar Allan Poe - “The Raven”

Now read it again, but with some passion this time. Whisper these words, shout these ones. Put the emphasis on this syllable, not that one. Read it like you're telling a story. Good, and again! One more time, all together now. Remember, you are performing. Feel the words!

This is how I was introduced to Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”. It was printed on bleached white paper, stapled in the left corner and passed out to all the students in my grade 11 Drama class. I don’t think any student was particularly thrilled. We peered around at one another, raising eyebrows and exchanging haughty looks; is this what we’re doing now? Reciting poems theatrically?

We must have read Poe’s poem five dozen times as a class before we performed it before a group of other students. They listened to us recite the words loudly, slowly, quickly. Whispering when the narrator of the poem peered into the darkness and exclaiming as the raven darted into the narrator’s home to perch upon the bust above his door. “Quoth the Raven, Nevermore!”

It was a relief when our time with Poe’s poem was over and we moved on to another project. I tossed my copy of the “The Raven” in the recycling bin with the words “Nevermore!” disdainfully shouted in my mind. I didn’t want to read another one of Poe’s poems ever again and was more than content to move on to improv where I could say whatever I wanted, however I wanted. I was done with “The Raven”, but as it would turn out, “The Raven” wasn’t done with me.

A year and a half later I went camping with a friend at a shabby campground just outside the city. That was when I discovered the song “Hurricane” by Thirty Seconds to Mars. I wasn’t familiar with the band, but when the “designated DJ” blasted the song through his box-like bluetooth speaker at the picnic table between our brightly colored tents, I fell in love.

When we returned home from our overnight camping adventure, I found myself online searching for the music video to “Hurricane”. A Google search sent me to YouTube where I found the PG version of the video but after a little further searching, and a detour to Vevo, I uncovered the full uncut music video and sat back to enjoy the show. 13 minutes later and I found myself breathless, completely stunned and awed. The music video to “Hurricane” was like nothing I had experienced before. To this day, it still takes my breath away.

The music video is a story of several interconnecting dreams; both terrifying and alluring. It’s a view of New York city like I have never seen it. It’s a glimpse into an underground culture of sexual fetishes in a way that makes it feel like art and it is an absolute masterpiece. Jared Leto, the lead singer of Thirty Seconds to Mars, describes the music video as a film that explores fears, fetishes & desires in a dreamscape of New York City. I am not ashamed to say that I have watched it at least a hundred times.

In fact, I also watched a fascinating mini-documentary about how the music video was produced. It described how the band had a vision; they wanted to do something different, traverse territory that was dark and edgy while pushing the boundaries of, not only the band, but also the concepts they were exploring. The music video told a story unlike any tale I’d ever heard before and in it, just before the end, a female narrator whispers; “Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

For the first time in my life, I was excited to hear a quote from Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”. I had discovered Poe’s words in the most incredible place and for the first time I felt that I not only understood them, but also related to them. They filled me with a sense of wonder and seemed to connect directly to my writer’s soul which was odd because, after reciting ‘The Raven’ numerous times in my grade 11 Drama class, I couldn’t actually tell you what the poem was about.

Google gave me answers again. I invested myself in reading analyses of “The Raven” and re-reading the poem itself, despite never thinking I’d do that again. I learned that the narrator was struggling, growing mad beneath the reality of his world due to the death of his lover; Lenore. In the poem, we experience the Narrator battling with himself, fixated on questions he cannot answer, wondering if he will ever see her again. He cannot sleep and he drives himself insane thinking about her. It is both beautiful and terrible. Obsessive and delicate; much like my passion for writing.

So there I was, sitting before a computer, finally understanding the meaning of a poem I had read so many times before and I could feel the weight of Poe’s words in the hollow of my chest.

Deep into that darkness peering. Writing a novel is like looking into darkness & trying to fin your way. Long I stood there wondering. Writing captures you, won’t let you go. Fearing, doubting. Will it be good enough? Is it worth writing? Dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. But, my God, isn’t it incredible how you feel the stories in your bones, full of characters no one has ever met, in places no other has ever been?

I had scorned “The Raven”, dreaded it, despising it’s fancy words and dramatics. I had thrown it in the trash with exasperated relief, left it behind in the depths of my past but still it came for me and would not let me go.

Shortly after I re-introduced myself to Poe’s poem and forced anyone who would spare 15 minutes to watch the ‘Hurricane’ music video, I received two little signs from the universe. The first was a poster of Jared Leto that I encountered one day when I went to work at the Hudson Bay. I’d worked there for just over a year, but the seasons were changing and so were the advertisements in store. For some magical reason, the Hugo Boss cologne posters were hung right outside my workstation and the chosen model, Jared Leto, lead singer of Thirty Second to Mars, the man who had produced the most incredible music video of all time, was staring back at me. The second “sign” came when I started another job two weeks later at a shoe store in the mall. The lady who trained me, and soon to be friend, was named nothing other than Lenore.

To this day, I don’t know what those “signs” were supposed to mean or if they mean anything at all. What I’m sure of is that now when I read “The Raven” it makes my soul buzz and when I watch Thirty Seconds to Mars’s “Hurricane” music video, my dreams seem wider, boundless like the visions dramatized in their epic film.

It may not surprise you to learn that the quote cited above from Poe’s poem “The Raven” is now tattooed on my arm. It was the beginning of a gorgeous sleeve that has etched my passion for writing into my skin and it is my favourite piece of body art so far. To me, the tattoo of Poe’s quote on my arm is a promise of my writing dream, a reminder of the endless possibilities and it is not just on me; it is me.

And as a side note, I also spent $65.00 dollars to have the poster of Jared Leto replicated to hang in my University dorm room because, when the world sends you a sign, you ought to seize it.