An Eventful Day

Dear Chicken Sandwich,

How can it be?

That something so pretty was made just for me?

Your bun is so glossy it shines like a star

They say nothing’s perfect but surely you are

Deep fried and crispy with pickles and slaw

Carefully structured without any flaws

And what’s this I see peeking out from beneath?

A hot sauce that’s made from fermented chilis?

Yes I’m convinced that you’re god’s favourite snack

I’m just going to tuck you into my backpack

Sleep now my angel. I’ll see you quite soon

My lunch break today starts at quarter past noon

I finish this letter with a statement completely

Full of love and affection.

Your friend,

Mark Wheatley

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DEAR UNMASKED VILLAIN,

I CANNOT BELIEVE

YOU’D ACTUALLY BURGLE MY SANDWICH FROM ME

I thought I could trust you but now I can see

That some of my coworkers are just lowly thieves

I will not forget this, I will not forgive

That sandwich was giving me reason to live

I hereby swear vengeance, I’m coming for you

I’ll shout from the rooftops and scream at the moon

I’ll burn down this office if it comes to that

This lunch thief must die like a dirty plague rat

Was it you Kathy? Or Steve from accounting?

You think I’m mad now, well my anger’s still mounting

You’re hiding but really you should run while you can, bitch

You took my sweet angel, my baby, my sandwich…

That’s it we’re getting to the bottom of this

Team meeting in the lunchroom

signed, Mark (I am pissed!)

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To my loving wife,

You’ve always been there for me

You said you love me unconditionally

Well I love you too, and I have a surprise

I’m coming home early to see you, blue eyes

I’ll be there soon baby,

Your husband - X O

PS my company just let me go