An Agreement

Dear New Writer,

Welcome! As you embark on this journey as a storyteller with us, Creativity, we’d like to take a moment to explain the creative process together moving forward.

Firstly, we are available to you to fulfill your story writing vision. The hours, however, are limited. Mostly, we won’t be available when you want us to, but we do our utmost to be there when it is least convenient to you. Showers are a favourite, so work on trying to remember what we bring to you while you frantically finish and rush, dripping, to write it down. Yes, you’ll forget most of it. The moment right before you fall asleep is our personal favourite. Conversations with people are an opportune time for us to strike as well. Your friends and family will come to recognize the far off look you get when you cease to pay attention to them and are listening to us. They say they don’t mind. They do.

Secondly, there is a step-by-step process by which we like to guide you. It is as follows:

1. Inspiration. This will feel so, so, so good. It’s how we get you hooked and keep you hanging in.

2. The work. This is the least fun step in the process. Agony, really. You will wonder how it is you want to be a writer when the last thing you want to do is sit down and write. Hemingway (boy, did we have a trip with that guy) said, writing is easy. You just sit at a typewriter and bleed. This is not true. Hardly anyone uses a typewriter anymore.

3. Euphoria of finishing. This is the step where you are most sure what you’ve just completed is the best thing you’ve ever written. This is the quickest step.

4. Despair. This is the step where you are most sure what you’ve just completed is the worst thing you’ve ever written. In fact, you’ll be sure you are the worst writer who has ever written. This is the longest step.

5. Rewriting. Writing is rewriting, someone said. Mostly, rewriting is more pain. At this point, you are slightly better at pretending you know what you are doing.

6. Submission. Success! You did it. The fulfilment you get from pressing “submit” can only be transcended by the thought that it is, in fact, terrible and should be stricken from existence. That’s coming.

7. Feedback. You will crave it. We find it is most interesting if we implant in you the simultaneous need for the showering of praise and critical advice. But not too critical. Just critical enough to make you feel like it is worth improving, but not enough to bruise your big, big ego. This is usually where you obtain the pinnacle: you are a spectacular writer who has contributed a spectacular piece of art to the world. Now, you await recognition… or crushing disappointment.

And the cycle repeats. Endlessly. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? By reading this, you have entered into a binding lifetime agreement to this relationship. We’re excited to work with you.

Sincerely, Creativity