Am I Really the One to Blame?

Down, Down I fall.

But no one hears my call,

My plead.

I'm stuck inside my own head.

Even when I go to bed.

I can't run away,

But I can't keep the monster at bay.

"Normal" people can't understand.

They won't even consider.

Why am I so bitter?

Why do I wish for solitude?

Even though it scares me.

Excuse me if I sound rude.

But you have to get the fuck away.

This insanity is here to stay.

It wants the air I deprive it of.

I have to drown it out.

It can't reach the above.

In my head it scratches at my skull.

I cry from the pain,

Cry until I feel dull.

For that moment I want it to stop.

Because the pain is almost not worth it.

But I know that if I let it out,

I won't come out on the other end.

I am two people it seems.

The kind and loving.

Then suddenly it deems,

That it's time to play.

And I become the anger driven monster.

Even though I never gave the okay.

My head pounds from the things I know,

And from the anger I won't let go.

But to keep everyone safe.

I lock it up,

In its cage.

Where it will age.

Until the day I no longer have that resentment.

But that day never seems to come,

Never a moment of contentment.

I'm getting used to the fact I'm insane.

But my question is,

Am I really the one to blame?